i never even asked for light

Mostly Friends Only-, Comment To Be Added

Why hello my dumplings, those who haven't been friended, and maybe, perhaps, those who have.

Fanfiction Posts-, Not friends-locked. Open to all readers.

Personal Posts-, These are sometimes friends locked (excessively angsty posts, introspection, especially personal posts etc. will be friends-locked!). If you comment in this post, I'll happily friend you, but if you friend me without commenting I'll go ahead and take the liberty of believing you don't wish for a friending back.
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i never even asked for light

Fanfiction Master Post

For the fanfiction, it ranges from fandom to fandom, in alphabetical order-- in each fandom areas the stories are ordered from newest to oldest.

Multi-chaptered fics, Clayman, Some Strike Slowly but the Death is Quick, and Quick to Blame, But Not to Forgiveness all are linked to their FF.net versions for various reasons (length, tediousness, etc.). They might eventually be posted here on livejournal if I'm feeling orderly.

Some of my writing may contain triggery content, and I've tried my best to add warnings next to the links here where I think I should put them, but please be aware that some of my stories might have triggers for you that I have forgotten to warn for. If you see any content that you think I should add a warning to, please just leave me a comment or email me or message me and I will absolutely and immediately put-up a warning on it. Healthy and happy reading! ;.; <3 I hope you enjoy reading my writing at least a little bit as much as I love writing it. Thank you so much if you even just consider reading something here. I love you. <3333

I will try and add all my writing to this list as soon as I can! <3

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i never even asked for light

you're still right here

Leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. Say anything. Tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you wish to tell. Tell me about your love, your hate, your indifference, your joy. Tell me about what's inside of you when you're reading through these entries on your friends list, and tell me why you continue to come back here. Tell me anything. Tell me what you really think of me or yourself. Anything.

Post anonymously. Speak honestly. Post as many times as you like.

Everybody is always telling me what a good person I am, but I'm still really so afraid of dying alone. But then, sometimes, I'm not, because I know that even if I don't have you, I have myself, and even if you don't think you have me, you always have me. <3333 And it's enough, it's more than enough. <3333 I really love you, all of you, and if I could I think maybe I would place us all together in a tiny little house somewhere by the beach and try and tell you how much I love you. I want you to know that life is beautiful, and I wish you could see it like I do, sometimes, because when I'm with you (as long as I'm with you all <3), all of the world lines up, and I can remember, why I can be happy, because you make me see all of the little things and all of the big things, and you make me see the lights and the darknesses, and how even when it is so dark I can barely see a thing it is still so gorgeous and wonderful and lovely and amazing, because there are the stars and then there are the clouds and then there is you. <3 

You are my little lights. <3 I want to write you all a story, and maybe it doesn't have to be big, or impressive, or particularly amazing. Maybe it won't be my best work, but I don't think it'll be my worst, because it'll be for you. Maybe it won't make too much sense, or will lag in places, or its metaphors will be a little bit off. Maybe only a single sentence will come-together and really make you feel like I -love- you. 

But I want to write it for you anyways, because I know how it feels when you feel like nobody finds you important to them. I know how it feels when you think nobody loves you. I know how it feels, because sometimes I'm lonely, I'm really lonely. And I have to remember that persons have things to do, and I have to remember that they love other people, and I have to remember that they'll be with me when they want to be with me, but it's still hard, because you doubt yourself, don't you? You wonder, like maybe they make some list in their head, and maybe out of all of the good-things in their life you are not so good, or maybe out of all of their loved-ones they don't love you so much. Maybe they don't think about you often, or they puzzle about how annoying you are, how bothersome you are being, how strange you can be. Maybe, even though they are always telling you they love you, they don't really love you, because it's hard.

You don't want them to spend money on you, or work their fingers over again trying and trying to build you something. You don't need them to hug you just so that maybe you can believe in them, in their love for you. But sometimes you wish you did, because a person can tell you they love you and mean it, but maybe not like you wish. 

A person can love you so much, but you still wonder sometimes if they do, because there is always that little voice in the back of your head saying to you that everything they've ever told you could easily be a lie, because there isn't anything keeping them from not telling you the truth, there isn't anything, not-quite-at-all. 

And, I want to write you something, so that you can know that I love you, even just a little bit. I want you to be able to think, 'one time, this person held me', or, 'once, they told me they loved me', or, 'once, they looked at me, and I looked back, and their eyes were so, so, so soft'. I want you to be able to think like, 'even if she may have been busy, or sad, or happy, or content, or bored, or dreary, or gloomy, or lost, somebody still wrote something for me, and put all of their love for me into it, because they love me'. 

I want somebody to hold you for twenty minutes, someday. I want somebody to kiss your cheek, and to hold your hand, and entwine your fingers together. I want somebody to look at you, straight into your eyes, and I want them to tell you that they love you. I want to hug you, to hold your hands, to live through hundreds and thousands more mornings where we've stayed-up all night speaking about Kanjani8 and Nelly and why Wolverine clearly had a top-secret-career of being a stripper (look at his hips, won't you? <3). I want to watch the sun come-up with you. <3 I want you to know I love you, because sometimes it's hard to believe in that, but sometimes it's not, and sometimes it won't be, and maybe when you read this or reread this or skim-over this, you can believe in me for just a minute and know that I love you so much. <3 

I want to tell you I love you, so: I love you, I love you, I love you. 

I really love you. <3333 

"You just wanted to prove there was one safe place, just one safe place where you could love him. You have not found that place yet. You have not made that place yet. You are here. You are here. You're still right here." (You Are Jeff), Richard Siken <3333

And that's my secret for all of you. <3 I'm really lonely sometimes, but I have me, and you have me, and sometimes I have you, too. And even when I don't, and I'm lonely, it's okay, because it's enough, it's more than enough. <3 And I love you. <3

Please post on this as much as you want, okay? I really want to hear whatever you want to say. <3 And even if it's months or years or decades later, and even if we barely know each-other, or haven't spoken much at all, or we don't know each-other even just a little bit, I still want you to please say something, if you want to, because I'm one-hundred-percent certain that I want to listen to you, always, always, always. <3333

And, and, and, my anonymous options -should- work, but if they don't, please, please, please tell me and I will try and fix them. <3

i never even asked for light

Now, Like So

Title: Now, Like So
Fandom: X-Men
Characters/Pairings: Erik/Charles
Summary: What you could be and, now, what you are. (Watch and listen and see. You don't have to fail to learn, or learn to be. Three worlds Erik and Charles could exist, and one where they exist together.)
Notes: I don't know if this is the best, but I hope you like it, and I love it anyways, always. ;.; <3 There is an Erik and Charles fashion, I think, but maybe they are best old and having been in love all their lives, and so that's what I wrote here, because I think so. -nodnod- I hope you like it at least a little bit if you read it, and um, hello, I love you. ;.; <3

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where could my one love be

love, love, love (ficlet)

Title: love, love, love
Summary: I will write for you. (Even though, really, I want to write to you.)
Notes: I do not even know. ;.; <3 I think maybe I should make a post where I can just constantly update it with all of my little bits and pieces like this one is, because I do not want to spam anybody with all of these things and. ;.; This is a little bit for somebody, and it is, always, a little bit for me. Please ignore me, though. But I hope that you like it if you read it, because I honestly just wrote this in a tiny little bubble of inspiration and feeling and so I do not think it is too good, I just did, and it is probably no good but, oh. I miss you, all of you. All the time. <3333 And if you read this, thank you, more than you know. <3

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//happy family

by and by (Bakura/Ryou, fic, Yu-Gi-Oh!)

Title: By and By
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Characters/Pairings: Bakura/Ryou, a little bit of Yami/Yugi
Summary: This is how I love you. (I love you just like I love you.)
Notes: I hope this isn't too bad. ;.; <3 This is for retraux, who is lovely and amazing and wonderful and asked for this, and I hope it is what you wanted and that you like it, because I loved writing for you, even if maybe I am still sort-of coming out of my writer's block and it is somewhat (okay, very much so) incoherent and rambly and...and, slippery, like it is -too- flowy to the point where it is nearly sliding out of your hands when you read it, or something like this, I don't even know. ;.; And if you want me to I can write again for you, because this might not be what you wanted, so please don't be afraid to say so if it's like this! But I really hope you like it anyways, and I'm sorry that this is a little bit late, and thank you so much again for requesting it. I hope you like it just a little bit as much as I loved writing it. <3333 Please just tell me if it's too awful! ;.; <3

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i never even asked for light

let this reach your heart, my love, right now

Happy Christmas to anybody that celebrates! <3333 Happy Christmas to you, happy Christmas to you, happy Christmas dear you, happy Christmas to you, except that's not quite right, but, you know. <3 

I have five-hundred dollars to spend on Kanjani8 and Leah Dizon and KAT-TUN things, and okay lolita too, and I got wonderful boots and sweaters and shirts and jewelry and tights and things. *0* And there are bon-bons to eat and books to read and things to write and I'm really happy. <3333 And, I am maybe listening to 'dear...again' by Koumi Hirose because it is lovely and Kame says he loves it and I am fairly sure that he means it to Jin when he says that. <3 -swoons a little bit-

And, and, and! If anybody wants me to write them something, please don't be too scared to request it from me! I really love to write for you, -any-of you, so ask and I'll try my best to write it for you. It's a tradition! Eep, um, there are still maybe some fics I have not finished yet from last year, and as soon as my writer's block goes away I will really try and finish them, I do promise, I do, I do, I do. Sara, you can request whatever-sinful-things-you-want-from-me here, too. ;.; <3 

I hope you are all having the best Christmas you can ever have, and then a little bit better. <3333 And I'm so glad I can have mine here with you, and I hope I'll be able to have it by your sides for the rest of my life. <3333

wo ai ni

baby please, fall in love, ima tokimeite ♪

This is not my secret: I love Leah Dizon. I AM GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT HER. <3333

She is half Chinese-Filipino and half American-French, and she is one of the prettiest persons in the whole world. She moved to Japan when she was twenty to pursue a career, and she went from minor modelling to major modelling, singing, dancing, and a little bit of everything. It is a fact that everybody in Johnny's Entertainment has a crush on her, except mostly Ryo and Yoko (Ryo is always agonized by how much more attention she gives to Yoko, though, and I am pretty sure that she likes Yoko the best <3).


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oh, you're so pretty
L-O-V-E j

so buckle-up, buttercup (Percy/the-loo, ficlet)

Title: everything is terrible (so buckle-up, buttercup!)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Pairings: Oliver/Percy, Percy/the-loo
Summary: And you will be reborn as Percy the Conqueror.
Notes: My sister has a terrible stomach-bug and so I wrote her this, because her medicine isn't working and we both like Percy and oh gosh, this is the most terrifying fic ever oh, oh, oh. BLIMEY.

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wo ai ni

You are the I love you, to my I love you, too (Hotch/Reid; Criminal Minds; fic)

Title: You are the I love you, to my I love you, too
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Characters/Pairings: Hotch/Reid
Summary: You are the I love you, to my I love you, too. (Save me, I‛m yours. (I‛ve always been yours. He is everything that you‛ve ever, ever, ever wanted, and you think you could die, or break, or just simply smile, because you love him and maybe you don‛t deserve him but it‛s not about that at all, it‛s about more than that, because you think he loves you, too (because you know he loves you, too).))
Notes: I am in love with this, too (and you <3). <3 I wrote this at three AM, thinking of Hotch and Reid and love and all of you, because I love you, I really do. <3 I really love you. <3333

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